THE WALL

Two and a half weeks to go. As noted when I posted In the Middle, I sort of expected to hit a "good grief when will it end" point a few weeks ago. Honestly, until this week I was feeling (read this next part with uncharacteristic and annoying perkiness): Strong! Excited! Ready for More! I could do the Whole Life Challenge FOREVER!

But damn. This week. This week I hit a wall. THE WALL.

Preparing for the Hail Run.
I'm wearing 4 base layers
under that jacket...

I'm on Spring Break (kind of -- too many work projects to actually take a break, but I can sleep a little later and take a run mid-day if I want). But this Spring Break bears no signs of spring. Not here, not anywhere. Most of the US has been dumped on by Winter Storm Asshole, and my annual late-March bout with I-Have-Had-Enough-Effing-Winter has hit with a vengeance. My skin tone has reached what I refer to as a "do you need a transfusion?" shade of pale, and I'm so stir-crazy that I went running outside yesterday in hail shower on a 34-degree day and kinda have a sore throat now. I'm sure everyone else is feeling the same way.

Unfortunately for my WLC food-related commitments, cabin-fever grumpiness means I want comfort food. I tried to stick to compliant comfort food, downed almost an entire batch of almond flour banana and date muffins in a day and a half, but that's not ice cream. And it's not a cookie. And it's not pizza. 

So this has been a one-cheat-per-day week so far. And there was pizza. There was a cookie. There was a frozen yogurt smoothie. Tomorrow I'm going to The Greenhouse Tavern with friends and I totally plan to have Gravy Frites (aka: poutine) and a Basil Hayden's manhattan. I will have no regrets.

Until I have regrets. 

I know myself well enough to give my "Up Yours, Winter" tantrum a little time to have its way because I'll only dig into it a little further if I try to scold myself for being a whiny weakling. I am keeping up with the WLC exercise and Lifestyle challenges and not berating myself for one food-cheat per day this week, because it has made it easier to stay mostly on track (other than the one non-compliant item, I've been entirely compliant. I'm not completely, or even mostly, derailed!) and the cheats are not huge, so I don't feel negative effects from over-indulging in grains and cheese and sugar.

But I know, come Saturday (my planned "enough with the self-pity" day - I'll shake myself out of the funk somehow and hit the rest button on the WLC), I'm going to look back on this week and think "Nadia, you idiot. Was any of that necessary?"

I actually haven't decided yet if it's necessary or not. I sort of feel like the one cheat per day is keeping a monster at bay. The "DAMMIT, SUN, WHERE ARE YOU" monster that lives in us all and is threatening to engulf this one small person in more gloom than is normal, even for My-Personal-Style-Is-Early-Edward-Gorey me.

So there it is. The confession post. I've let myself cheat a little and openly plan a little more cheating for the next couple of days. Guilt post will possibly follow. Or not. I might just be really okay with all this. In the meantime, if anyone has advice about surviving this sort of thing sans french fries, please share. I'm seriously open to suggestions, because I truly want - and believe I can have - my WLC enthusiasm back.

Until then -- mmm, Gravy Frites.