EBEN

This post is a slight departure from the others. Today it's all about a Whole Life Challenge of a different sort. 

Today, Eben turns 16.

Tiny E.

EBEN TURNS SIXTEEN.

Sixteen years ago, at 7:36 p.m., I accepted the challenge of parenthood.

When I call parenthood a challenge, I don't mean the "grunt work" part of parenthood - the "feed and clothe and bathe and chauffeur and generally keep this living creature alive" part of parenthood. That, it turns out, is the easy part.

As most parents know, the true challenge of parenthood is to find balance between holding tight and letting go. The challenge is an ever-present sweet melancholy when that balance starts to - has to - shift a little more towards letting go. Because if you get it right (I hope every second of my life that I'm getting it right), this person who shows up as a tiny screaming package of the most intense love you have ever, ever experienced is going to grow up and be independent. And he will be fine. He will be spectacular and brilliant and you have to let go. And just watch.

Later today I will take Eben for his driver's license road test. He's excited and confident, and I'm a mess of nerves. Eben is a careful and responsible and skilled driver. Everyone else on the road, however... let's just say if you live anywhere near us, you need to start being a lot more careful. This mama bear will hunt you down if my son is hurt because you needed to text while driving. I. will. hunt. you. down. Sometimes I think "I'll just follow him everywhere in my car to make sure he's okay. I'll use the telekinesis I know I must possess and which has surely been a latent power until this day to move every car off the road as he drives safely to wherever he's going."

But that's the challenge. Eben wouldn't want me to follow him everywhere, and I don't honestly want my son to always depend on me to clear the way for him. He is well-equipped, ready and willing to face whatever comes his way, to learn and grow from every experience. And I need to let him, because he's got this. I am filled with pride. 

Rick took this photo of my boy
and me. He posted it with the caption "Joy."

I am in awe of how he conducts himself in his various worlds - school, friends, work, family, rock bands. He manages everything with a clear and calm sense of responsibility and an ethic of kindness above all else. He approaches new challenges with curiosity and excitement. He is an artist and a scientist and a philosopher and a teacher. He is a truly interesting person. He's just really, really cool. The greatest privilege of my life has been to witness the miracle of my children, and the greatest challenge of my life now is to hang around on this tightrope between their childhood and their adulthood. 

No falling, Nadia. Balance here, and watch.

Happy, happy sixteen to my boy. So much love. Always, all the time.

(in regular WLC news: 4 days left... so much learned. Wrap-up post with lessons, musings and the future of the Queen of Indoor Recess blog will come soon.)